You might not always be on his wavelength, but you can’t deny that Michael Bay has a sense of humor. He’s usually fairly restrained when it comes to his big-budget projects, opting to go for broad jokes and gross-out gags. However, for a brief moment in 2013, Bay was given free rein to make the unhinged crime-comedy of his dreams, and the results divided audiences down the middle. This was during his industry-conquering run on the Transformers franchise, which had grossed around $2.5 billion worldwide already. He would return to direct two more Transformers movies, but he decided to make a detour into true-crime territory first. The result was his cheapest movie in two decades, and one that didn’t exactly set the box-office on fire like he was used to.
The movie was based on a series of Miami Times articles published years earlier, back when Bay was making the Bad Boys movies in the same city. Incidentally, Todd Phillips made the jump in the opposite direction — he went from making comedies to directing true-crime — around the same time with the movie War Dogs. Both films fell short of box-office expectations, especially given the talent involved. Bay’s movie was headlined by Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, and Anthony Mackie. It was written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, who’d go on to write Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame for Marvel.
Collider Exclusive · Action Hero Quiz Which Action Hero Would Be Your Perfect Partner? Rambo · James Bond · Indiana Jones · John McClane · Ethan Hunt
Five legends. Five completely different ways of getting out alive — with style, with muscle, with charm, with luck, or with a plan so intricate it probably shouldn’t work. Ten questions will reveal which action hero was built to have your back.
Rambo
James Bond
Indiana Jones
John McClane
Ethan Hunt
01
You’re dropped into a dangerous situation with no warning. What do you need most from a partner? The first few seconds tell you everything about who belongs beside you.
02
You have to get somewhere dangerous, fast. How do you travel? How you get there is half the mission.
03
You’re pinned down and outnumbered. What does your ideal partner do? This is when you find out what someone is really made of.
04
The mission is paused. You have one evening to decompress. What does your partner suggest? Who someone is when the pressure drops is who they actually are.
05
How do you prefer your partner to communicate mid-mission? Good communication is the difference between partners and a liability.
06
Your enemy is powerful, well-resourced, and has the upper hand. How should your partner approach them? The approach to the enemy defines the partnership.
07
Things go badly wrong and you’re captured. What do you trust your partner to do? Who someone is when you need them most is the only thing that matters.
08
What does your ideal partner bring to the table that you couldn’t replace? A great partner fills the gap you didn’t know you had.
09
Every partnership has a cost. Which of these can you live with? No one comes without baggage. The question is whether you can carry it together.
10
It’s the final moment. Everything is on the line. What do you need from your partner right now? The last question is the most honest one.
Your Partner Has Been Assigned Your Perfect Partner Is…
Your answers have pointed to one action hero above all others. This is the person built to have your back — for better or considerably, spectacularly worse.
Rambo
Your partner doesn’t talk much, doesn’t need to, and will have assessed every threat in your immediate environment before you’ve finished your first sentence. John Rambo is not a man of plans or politics — he is a force of nature shaped by survival, loyalty, and a capacity for endurance that goes beyond anything training can produce. He will not leave you behind. He has never left anyone behind who deserved to come home. What you get with Rambo is the most capable, most quietly ferocious partner imaginable — one who has been through things that would have broken anyone else, and who chose to keep going anyway. You’ll never need to ask if he has your back. You’ll just know.
James Bond
Your partner will arrive perfectly dressed, perfectly briefed, and with a cover story so convincing it’ll take you a moment to remember what’s actually true. James Bond is the most professionally dangerous person in any room he enters — and the most disarmingly charming, which is the point. He operates in a world of layers, where nothing is what it appears and every advantage is used without apology. You’ll never be bored. You’ll occasionally be furious. But when it matters — when the mission is genuinely on the line and the margin for error has collapsed to nothing — Bond is exactly the partner you want. He has survived things that have no business being survivable. He does it with style. That is not nothing.
Indiana Jones
Your partner will know the history, the language, the cultural context, and exactly why the thing everyone else is ignoring is actually the most important thing in the room. Indiana Jones is brilliant, reckless, and occasionally impossible — but he is also one of the most resourceful, most genuinely knowledgeable partners you could find yourself beside. He approaches every situation with a scholar’s eye and a brawler’s instinct, which is an unusual combination and a remarkably effective one. He hates snakes and gets personally attached to objects of historical significance, both of which will slow you down at least once. It doesn’t matter. What Indy brings is irreplaceable — and the adventures you’ll have together will be the kind people write books about. Assuming you survive them.
John McClane
Your partner was not supposed to be here. He does not have the right equipment, the right information, or anything approaching the right odds. He has a sarcastic remark and an absolute refusal to accept that the situation is as bad as it looks. John McClane is the greatest accidental hero in the history of action cinema — a man whose superpower is stubbornness, whose contingency plan is improvisation, and whose capacity to absorb punishment and keep moving would be alarming if it weren’t so useful. He will complain the entire time. He will make it significantly more chaotic than it needed to be. And he will absolutely, unconditionally, without question come through when it counts. Yippee-ki-yay.
Ethan Hunt
Your partner has already run seventeen scenarios by the time you’ve finished reading the briefing, and the plan he’s settled on involves at least two things that should be physically impossible. Ethan Hunt operates at the absolute edge of human capability — technically, physically, and intellectually — and he brings the same relentless precision to protecting his partners that he brings to dismantling organisations that shouldn’t exist. He is not easy to know and he will never fully tell you everything. But he will carry the weight of the mission so completely, so absolutely, that your job is simply to trust him — and the remarkable thing is that trusting him always turns out to be the right call. The mission will be impossible. He will complete it anyway.
Here’s How Long You Have Left to Watch Michael Bay’s Most Unlikely Film on Peacock
We’re talking, of course, about Pain & Gain. Produced on a reported budget of $25 million, the movie made $86 million worldwide. It received mixed reviews, and is now sitting at a 49% score on Rotten Tomatoes. The aggregator website’s consensus reads, “It may be his most thought-provoking film to date, but Michael Bay’s Pain & Gain ultimately loses its satirical edge in a stylized flurry of violent spectacle.” Bay would go on to make two more movies on a smaller scale than he is used to, but both underperformed just like Pain & Gain. In 2016, he directed 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, and in 2022, he directed Ambulance, which received the best reviews of this loose trio. You can watch Pain & Gain on Peacock, but only until July 1. Stay tuned to Collider for more updates.
